truth

I was running just 3 miles when it hit me that I might be officially crazy. nuts, bananas, bonkers! Maybe I deserve to be locked up in an asylum and society really is reserved for the mild, 'sensible' member of the proletariat. Surely, someone who finds spontaneously running home from a movie high on their list of 'fun' things to do, is on the fringes of society. Even more so someone who howls and laughs out loud and (nearly) screams at fellow pedestrians, "why is everyone driving? we drive everywhere! what is wrong with everybody?". All the while suspicious that I may have really lost it. It's been something in the back of my mind for a while. Like when I'm sitting in an icy pool by myself at 7am, or when I can barely carry the 4 bags of groceries that I just walked 2 miles with, or when I'm on a new 12 mile trail in the woods running up a hill steep enough that people are walking their bikes and I happen upon a sign but I'm so exhausted I can't remember what the trail is called. What doesn't compute for me is that while I am curious and want to explore the world in all it's brilliance I feel that I am being sensible and using impervious deduction when I decide that most of society is completely off. Is it so illogical that when I refuse to let my body cascade towards the inevitable point of lowest energy, it is glaringly obvious this requires a change of lifestyle which doesn't parallel the mainstream? (possibly resulting in dodging cars - running down the middle of the street at night to avoid sidewalk construction - wearing pants and carrying a sweater) Or should I not question that while we become increasingly comfortable driving two blocks to the store and sitting for hours in front of a computer we also become more dependent on medicine to help us sleep at night? A car that is already halfway out of the driveway stops, and reverses back up the driveway to let me run by as I come to another simple conclusion; society must be for crazy people... who agree to follow rules. Spoken rules and unspoken rules. Rules that make us feel like there is less madness and that we will never reach the point of lowest energy. The asylum on the other hand, is for people who are also crazy (maybe more or even less crazy) but just missed the part where they were supposed to agree with all the other crazy people. They lack the ability to lie and prefer to face this 'insanity' head-on. 

[ Once, at a birthday celebration in my teens everyone was going around trying to say (uncontrived) nice things about me when it came to my brother and I could tell he was stumped. One of the things about being brothers is that he wasn't embarrassed and I wasn't hurt. It made us laugh uncontrollably. He finally said something like, "Aaron has the inability to tell a lie." Maybe because I didn't know what he meant at the time, but for some reason that stuck with me.  Even though the dinner was completely forgotten when my mothers purse was snatched! ] 

Point being, I think it is an 'inability' and a 'disadvantage' to be incapable of not always seeking the truth. Or simpler put, I think it usually takes a lie of some kind to show that you agree about life and can become a member of the 'club'. What's that line again... I wouldn't want to be a part of a club that would have me as a member? Yea, that pretty much sums it up.

On a side note: I might start wearing sweatpants from now on. Even though they are silly and somewhat offensive in most situations I refuse to find myself running 3 miles in jeans ever again.