Words are not good for the secret meaning, everything always becomes a bit different, as soon as it is put into words, gets distorted a bit, a bit silly -- yes. He preferred the suffering and worries of love to happiness and joy without thr boy. The river is everywhere at once, at the source and at the mouth, at the waterfall, at the ferry, at the rapids, in the sea, in the mountains, everywhere at once, and that there is only the peesent time for it, not the shadow of the past, not the shadow of the future. Soft is stronger than hard, water is stronger than rocks, love stronger than force. Most people are like falling leaves, i am like a star. He came to understand them, he understood and shared their life, which was not guided by thoughts and insights, but solely by urges and wishes. He saw then for their sake suffering infinitely much, bearing infinitely much... He comes to realize that they lacked nothing except one little thing, the conscious thought of the oneness of life. And he even wondered if this thought might not also perhaps be a childish idea too! Sitting next to people on the plane who cannot sit still or wait. They are forever burdened by demons which they are too agraid to face. But... To be calm within yourself, to have patience and not be arrested by worry is the ultimate joy. A goal stood before Siddhartha, a single goal: to become empty, empty of thirst, empty of wishing, empty of dreams, empty of joy and sorrow. Dead to himself, not to be a self any more, to find tranquility with an emptied heard, to be open to miracles in unselfish thoughts, that was his goal. Once all of my self was overcome and had died, once ever desire and every urge was silent in the heart, then the ultimate part of me had to awake, the innermost of my being, which is no longer my self, the great secret. To obey like this, not to an external command, only to the voice, to be ready like this, this was good, this was necassary, nothing else was necassary.


no substitute

in the arrogance that accompanies the discipline of sobriety, a restrictive diet, and a remorseless training regime I realize that my running is just a different drug. another escape from the everyday ordinary torture of an average life. It is just as necessary for me as before.