Cautious Optimism

It's easy to write about the crunchy days. Ones full of grit and sweat. Mistakes and perseverance. A story without conflict is a contradiction.

I have these moments, that are easily forgotten, where my fitness, motivation, nutrition, and pace converge into perfection. It's hard to describe these brief periods of time without sounding like some utopian dream or by alluding to a drug induced euphoria.

Usually in the back half of a long trail you slide into these highs and feel invincible, like you could run forever. Not because of physical prowess but because of mental problem solving. Theres a deeper sensation that you are discovering a piece of yourself that was always there waiting to be discovered. To better yourself. To realize the future. You are at once present, aware of the universe, and also removed from the pain and mortal risk of being alone in the wild. It just feels good.

Remembering positive moments is important to balance out the drama that pervades and tends to define our lives which are more realistically mundane and confined in nature. We can usually be grateful things aren't a whole of a lot worse.

The rare blissful moments stand out poignantly in stark contrast to the adrenal fatigue and OTS I was experiencing a year ago. Exhaustion was all I remember. It felt bizarre needing to take a seat after being winded from putting on my shorts and shoes to go for jog. Unable to train except for short bouts here and there made me even more lethargic. I would walk to the trail head then find some grass to lay down on. I was increasingly confused and despondent. Unable to sleep well exacerbated the situation. Eventually as I focused on routine sleep and regular nutrition my underlying energy rose. This is what makes getting back to 'feeling like myself' so amazing.