THE BEAUTY OF UNKNOWING

When stuff like this happens how can you not believe in God? -- Crank the engine. A half hearted response and then silence. Stay calm. You only have 6 deadlines to catch up on and your 30 minutes behind schedule for the day after skipping the morning run, skipping the shower, and skipping breakfast. Priorities. 2 hours necessary to meet your first deadline, 5 hours short on sleep, 7 days straight with no moment to even brush your teeth. Triage. Leave the dead car and take the over-ripe garbage bag to the dumpster. Let the car relax and think about it's actions. Second attempt and the same half-hearted churn before it finally tips over and momentum catches. A million tiny explosions >>> VRRRROOOOM! I'll never take that thunder for granted again. The miles disappear in my rear view mirror. So... the mechanic doing my oil change last week was right, my battery IS dying. Not just the ordinary rue where they make up a myriad of expensive mechanical problems that this clueless dysfunctional urbanite will fall for. Back to the mechanic, buy that new battery. Need us to install it? Nah. How hard can it be to put a battery in a car? I'm done being a helpless city-dweller. Another week slow cranking my car twice a day trying to decide between buying the tools you apparently need to swap out a battery in my car and the humility of going back to the mechanic with my tail between my legs. Wait long enough, the answers come. In the brush next to a parking lot in the forest, while sitting in some shade eating a watermelon with my brother, I luckily spot a discarded wrench in the dirt. The exact wrench I need to change my battery. My brother gapes at me. Yes I still don't believe in God. How ironic. I change my battery and I go on smiling. My life is not the center of the universe. I don't blame the dark side when my car battery dies on the way to the most important day of work and I don't thank the light shown on me by a deity above if I find a wrench in the sand. Bad stuff happens. Then good stuff happens. Repeated since forever. The choice is to make the world a better place even when your own luck won't change. I do see the magic in life. The mystery worth exploring and trying to understand. Something we get glimpses of and can only comprehend temporarily. However, in my observation, the moment we put our finger on this imperceptible truth, label it, start trying to please it, and telling other people how to gain it -- it's lost.