true strength is knowing your own weakness
i was awake in the middle of the night so i drove. up into the foothills where snow fell yesterday. the goal was to reach san gabriel peak before sunrise. i arrived at the trail head and switched off the headlights. darkness. the silence from the stereo revealed a howling wind outside. i sat there for 15 minutes before starting the car and driving back towards the highway. my mind was in turmoil. so many good reasons to go home. get warm. get nourishment. read a book while taking a shit and go to bed. i forgot my gloves, wind jacket, and headlamp after all. three fatal errors as regards to the life of todays adventure. i was almost shouting at myself in a steep argument. 'your being such a pussy!' i stopped the car and sat for 10 more minutes before I knew that I could not live with going home now. 9 out of 10 people wouldn't have hesitated. but it's the 1 out of 10 that make it when things get really tough. the ones that head off stupidly into the dark and cold because they secretly hate themselves. it's that special club that gets to experience the sunrise casting golden steaks onto the peak of a mountain rising to meet the new day. you have to fight for it, but when you do you become a part of the blessed few. for all the times that I felt pressure to work instead of running. for all the times that it was socially awkward to go running instead of hooking up with chicks. for all the times that it was inconvenient to go out but turned into one of the best runs of my life. for all of that, I never once remember a day that I chose work over running. Im not fool enough to think that I would be happily married today if I had spent more time relating to girls instead of running. I don't remember the morning stomach aches, the wet & cold days, or the stress from work. what I do remember are the sunrises in the mountains, the snow capped peaks, and the feeling of completeness that comes with a day out in the wilderness. I remember finishing my first marathon. I remember my second one and my first 50 mile, 100k, and 100 mile too. I could probably sit and recall every race I've ever run. But ask me what project I was stressing out about two weeks ago and i'd be stumped. if all we are is what we do, and all we have is memories of it... then let us focus on the good stuff.