Paradox

Ive always been a bit of a bit of a paradox. My life always being full of extreme contradictions. From an early age there was my ubber conservative father and then my more leaneant mother. We lived in a third world country surrounded by utter poverty but were never concerned about money. We were not well off but i didnt have to fear not having a roof over my head, even if it was a small roof. While i had 3 siblings i often spent time alone. I always found that i had desires pulling me in opposing directions. One that leads to a tree which i climb and sit in quietly for hours another where i live in an apartment on the 15th floor with chrome counters. There is the desire to be a people pleasing pro and the other to be a bad boy jock superstar. As an adult my job seems glamourous fun and cool but is also extremely nerdy and often unredeeming. On one hand Im drawn to movies and hard beats and technology but i also desire the simple country life with dirt on my hands and dew on my boots. I want to disappear into the sunset and live to tell about it.
I suppose ill never reconcile these opposing germinations and ill never be rid of either of them. When i foster one side for too long the other gets jealous and fends for some attention. Instead I must look at them as a gift. For they have made my life that much richer.